BDSM – D/s: Because You’re Mine

One of the most significant differences between strong  D/s relationships and vanilla ones is the prevalent aspect of ownership.  Submissives often cite this as a key emotional feeling associated with their Dominant partners.  It goes without saying the same applies to the dynamics between slaves and Masters/Mistresses.

This status of ownership, of being property, goes back to ancient times when anyone of a certain status owned slaves of one kind or another.  The concept was as prevalent in primitive as in “civilized” societies, from Native American culture to ancient Egypt, from Babylonia and Assyria, to the Celtic tribes, from ancient Greece and Rome to China.  Slaves were captured in war or bought and sold.  Slaves served in every role of society, from the lowliest field worker and house servant to the highest echelons of military and political leadership.  Slaves were physicians, business accountants, managers of estates, lovers.   There are countless historical examples of slaves who willingly followed their Masters and Mistresses in death or whom, when freed, begged to return to their status.

Certainly there are also historical examples of cruelty committed upon slaves, but no more so than similar or the same cruelties committed on spouses and children and captives.   Masters and Mistresses loved slaves and slaves loved their owners.  In most recent history, slavery was looked upon – and continues to be generally looked upon – as human traffic and exploitation.  When focused entirely on the cruelty that is understandable.  However, when looked upon in the renewed tradition of BDSM and D/s relationships, we see (or should see) a different dynamic at play.

It is to the different manners of owners how slavery is perceived.  If a Master or Dominant is , by nature, focused on the cruelty and irresponsibility of ownership — If, in other words, they do not respect the value of and maintain their “property” – they will be regarded by others as not respectable, just as slave owners in days of old were.   While liasons, relationships, and even marriages with owned slaves were considered viable in the past, those who showed them only abuse and cruelty were socially shunned and condemned.  That is often reflected in the BDSM and D/s communities of our own time.

Being possessed, being “owned” in the more modern sense – and where respect and trust are present – gives a submissive or slave a strong sense of being “cared for” and even “enhanced.”  In ancient times, the more learned and skillful a slave was, the more they were valued.  Many tutors and philosophers were purchased slaves and brought high prices in the marketplace.  Education and skill were sought after traits, and that is as it should be with modern slaves as well.  The Dominant who prefers an automaton who robotically carries out his or her will often grows tired of the required “training” and maintenance of such slaves/submissives and when the dynamic is all one-sided seems little different than that of a petty tyrant or micro-manager who fears the slightest whiff of independence.

It is, of course, a fine line between mutual and shared responsibility and mutually independent lives.  The difference is seen in a positive form of co-dependence.  The dynamic of domination and submission, of surrender and responsibility binds the Dom and sub into a cohesive, working and workable whole.  Protocol, accepted rules of behavior, stable dependability can be even more signs of ownership than simple passion and desire.  The roles are both finite and established as well as flexible.  The submissive/slave has their behavior set out and defined as does the Dominant.  Each knows what is expected of them and together – as owner and property – they may deal with life’s challenges and necessities.

Submissives and slaves often speak of their owners in emotional terms which go beyond those used by vanilla husbands and wives or boyfriends/girlfriends.  The bonding, one might say, is more complete and fulfilling.  The trust, respect, and reliability seem stronger, partly because of the definite establishment of who is what and does what.

Dominants may lead their slaves/submissives by various methods: suggestions or commands, depending upon their particular and personal style and circumstances.  For a devoted slave/submissive a suggestion is almost tantamount to a command anyway.  If this will “please the Master”, then it is done.  Bu it is also my belief that part of the relationship dynamic must also take into consideration “what pleases the slave/submissive” and that is too often overlooked or disregarded by inexperienced  Dominants.  If every aspect of the relationship is “All about you” (the Dominant), half of the mutuality is sacrificed on the altar of narcissism and selfishness.  This does not mean a lessening of the dominance, but rather an enhancement of both as well as the relationship itself.

“You are mine,” is a reinforcement of the relationship dynamics in every way and at all times.  It signifies both ownership and desire, both responsibility and guidance, both commitment and role stability.  It is the gift of the slave/submissive to their chosen “owner” and the gift of the Dominant in their choice of whom they accept surrender and service from.