You know, it’s an amusing thing, the stereotype: the thigh-high boots, the fishnet stockings, the corset, the riding crop, the smirking smile. But that’s how some people still think of the dominant woman. That she’s just stepped from the pages of Leopold Sacher von Masoch’s Venus in Furs and is morphed into the professional Dominatrix to command her slaves to lick her boots. And possibly, if that’s what floats your boat, you may get it done, but…
The strong dominant woman in reality is something else altogether. She may be straight, kinky, slightly bent, lesbian or bi-sexual, but the significant thing to know is that she is — for the most part — in control of herself and you.
Likely as not, unless you’re one of her chosen, you’ll never know who is one and who is not. She rarely fits the stereotypes you imagine: the dominatrix in leather, the strong political or business mogul, the brilliant egoistic professor. Instead, she might as easily be a housewife, a soldier, a clerical worker, an EM, or any of the thousand and one jobs women fulfill today. Inside, however, she’d be one of the strongest — emotionally, maturity-wise, mentally, and maybe physically, certainly spiritually — women you’d be privileged to meet. She has to be. Her pleasure and yours depend on it.
Dominas or Dommes usually don’t go around advertising their status except in settings where it is appropriate. For those who are lesbians or bi-sexual, it’s apparent by their demeanor, posture, and attitude who and what they are. Other women read these signals pretty easily. For heterosexual Dommes, it may not be quite so apparent because men — even submissive ones — are not always up to speed on recognizing their potential Mistress nor what to do for her when they find her.
The naturally dominant women in my experience do share certain common traits. Most of them are the same as for naturally dominant men: strong self-confidence, assertive body and verbal language, well-honed leadership skills and so forth. Unlike many Doms, however, Dominas have a built-in understanding of sensuality and emotional power. Their variety, of course, depends greatly on the influences and specific personality expression unique to themselves. Some are motherly, others less so. Some are playful with the stereotype, acting as imperious and chilled as they can muster but often with that secret amused smile hovering on their lips. There is also — even among some professionals — an underlying sincere caring for the submissives that can be lacking in male Dominants.
While they may practice some of the usual Domme-sub relationship dynamics (humiliation, groveling, boot licking, body worship, tasking, etc.), many Dommes will consider part of their submissive training to be self-actuated. They are often less the control-freak or micro-manager than their male counterparts unless they feel it is necessary. The emotional bonding can be strong in either form of relationship, but it always appears — in my experience — to be more vital in a Domme-sub one. That is not to infer any weakness, but simply that Dominas don’t feel burdened with constantly re-reproving their macho or manly man status or their gender superiority. And why would they?
What male submissives expect from a dominant woman will be dealt with in another posting soon What female submissives gain and appreciate with Dominas is — I believe — a deeper emotional commitment, a more sensual relationship, a more monogamous stability, a bonding on multiple levels, and perhaps a more traditionally domestic dynamic. That said, as always, your mileage may vary.
afirmgrip 