Nella Fantasia (In My Fantasy)


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You may have heard the song Nella Fantasia (In My Fantasy) sung by many of the classical pop singers, including Sarah Brightman, Il Divo, and Andrea Bocelli, not to mention it seems everyone on any of the Next Idol and “…Got Talent” shows. 

The opening lyrics are: “In my fantasy I see a just world Where everyone lives in peace and honesty I dream of souls that are always free Like a cloud that floats Full of humanity in the depths of the soul.”

BDSM fantasies are rarely so humanist, yet they can be rooted in the depths of the soul despite appearing merely lustful on the surface.  While many people in the lifestyle seek to make their fantasies into reality, we sometimes must step back a moment and consider what then do we replace our fantasies with?

It’s an enigma worth looking into.  On one hand, when the fantasies are played out in reality, they can be disappointingly “less than expected”.  Or conversely “overwhelming”.  Either and both can lead us to extremes.

One of the observable elements, for example, of published erotica is that it has — mostly through marketing — gone to extremes.  The envelopes of BDSM behavior are split open to reveal the more dangerous, callow, and torturous practices, while at another extreme, the romantic notions become more predictable, cliched, and tepid.

Erotica, both graphic and written, is – by nature – a kind of purified non-fiction which appeals to the senses as narrated and exaggerated for effect.  They are – also by nature – narrated and/or depicted fantasies.  As people read/view and absorb this erotica, they can color, positively or negatively, their own fantasies. 

The innovative, the creative, the seekers of new pleasures may incorporate elements of these fantasies into their own imaginings and this begins a projected chain of extremes based upon extremes and so forth until they can lose sight of the reality upon which the fantasy was originally based.

Is it the case, we wonder sometimes, that the fantasy of a stable, caring relationship without doubt or imperfection has transmogrified now into some vision of the woman hanging from chains by her wrists while being beaten with a whip?  Have we so shifted our fantasies to the shallow “actions” of BDSM at the risk of banishing the underlying emotions and passions for the relationship itself?  If we look no deeper than the outward behavior, the “scenes” of either reality or fantasy, are we at risk of losing contact with the motivations?  Crudely and simply put, is it the fuck itself or the desire to do so?

Ideally, of course, it is a combination of both.  If we see every action and reaction as a complete process with intent and motivation, not separate “sound bites” or “clips” of which we are unsure of their meaning, then we have a better sense of context, even of our fantasies.

What is in our fantasies?  What prompts us to have them?  Is it some continuing motivation or just a “quick fix” for the moment?  Do we really want to incorporate spanking, for example, into our erotic imaginings and/or realities or is it merely something we want because “everyone else seems to have one” like a big screen TV or smart phone? 

I ask sometimes “Are we being sold our fantasies by unscrupulous purveyors?”  Are we having our desires and imaginings molded and influenced by advertising or by deeper, personal motivations inside us?  Are we being lead to believe that that new sex toy or extreme sexual practice will fulfill our wants just like the latest model SUV or designer -brand jeans?  And inevitably will we discover we’ve been hoodwinked yet again into buying swamp property that we now cannot re-sell? 

Perhaps it is time, we took a pause in the rush-a-day world, sat down quietly, and assessed what’s in our fantasies and why. 

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2 Responses to “Nella Fantasia (In My Fantasy)”

  1. angelquest Says:

    I was recently encouraged to read a popular novel, and was extremely disappointed to find it just an insipid romance novel, with BDSM overtones. My experience is limited, but that is certainly not what inspires me. Reality – whatever that should wind up being – is far better than any fairy tale.

    • Yes, my dear, I am aware that BDSM is sadly becoming or has become just another “flavor of the month” for every author to try their hand at without any understanding that the outward trappings and accessories have little to do with the realities or serious fantasies. But it is ever thus – those of us “in the know”, know better.

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