Obedience and Disappontment


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Submissives disobey for any number of reasons.  The most familiar is to gain attention, not understanding that the proper Dominant is always aware of what they do, say, think, and feel.  The Dominant is also aware of the submissive’s motivations for such expression.  In this sense, the Dominant demonstrates his control of self and the submissive.  Now no Dominant worth his salt wants a totally docile doormat or a submissive who – through a kind of brainwashing – has lost the ability to think for herself.  Of what use is a clone of the Sir or Master?

That said, a good Dominant also expects obedience along the paths he takes his submissive.  If, for example, she requires a disciplined regime, eating proper foods, getting enough sleep, exercise, and so forth to maintain health, he will expect her neither to question his judgement nor his motivation.  People usually have a very poor sense of their own health and will abuse their bodies in unnecessary ways.

There are many examples in which the Dominant will attempt to “improve” the life of his submissive.  He may recommend widening her sense, knowledge, and experience of the world at large through culture and continuing education.  He may instruct her in physical pleasures, techniques and even attitudes to increase their mutual pleasure.  He may also enhance her own sense of self-worth by reassurances and compliments.  If he is a sophisticate, he will introduce her to a more complimentary fashion style.  In all this, it could be said that he is merely increasing the value of his investment.  And, in a sense, this is true.

Before the submissive may take umbrage, however, consider the investment of time, energy, emotion, thought, and very self that a Dominant does indeed invest.  Consider, too, that whether it is a scene, a play partner, or a dynamic relationship, the Dominant is responsible for the safety, stability, betterment, and well-being of the one under his guidance.  It can be compared, in one sense, to a leader in battle who must consider and make difficult choices instantly to protect both the mission and the soldiers he commands. In such dire circumstances, obedience can mean the difference between life and death.

So, too, can obedience in a D/s relationship mean the difference between life and death if we consider a good relationship to be life and a troubled one which may decay as death.  It is up to the Dominant as well as the submissive to communicate well.  If there is some valid reason for disobedience, then it should be discussed.  If, on the other hand, it is simply bratty behavior to gain attention or a lack of discipline or worse a lack of respect for the Dominant’s decision, that, too, should be discussed in the right manner and at the right time.

A lack of obedience generally is a indication that something has gone wrong in the relationship dynamic.  This can range from anything from the submissive’s realization that she is a switch/domme and wishes to be dominant at times (or at all times) to some influence outside the relationship (economic concerns, family troubles, and so forth).  If it is unusual for the submissive to disobey, the Dominant must probe and question until the underlying reason is determined and then “fix” the situation so the disobedience does not continue.

Without question, there are relationship dynamics in D/s which appear contentious.  The feisty, contrary submissive who asserts what she may think is her own willpower is acting out if that willpower is self-destrucitve and damaging.  The D/s relationship is a super-imposed set of rules and controls to offer stability as well as shared pleasures.  But the rules are not designed to be merely dogmatic and tyrannical ones if the relationship is to continue smoothly.  It may seem a dichotomy to many.  While there must be mutual admiration, desire, and respect, there must also be that agreed upon exchange of power and submission, of advice accepted, and of obedience where it is for the benefit of both.   Otherwise, disappointment will rule and lead to an unsatisfying relationship for both.

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6 Responses to “Obedience and Disappontment”

  1. indigosoul77 Says:

    Reblogged this on Ramblings of Everything.

  2. indigosoul77 Says:

    is it wrong to search for someone who is real and have that kind of dynamic to “recover”, to “grow”?

    • No, my dear, it is not wrong at all. It is utterly right. You deserve the best there is, as do we all. Difficult to find? Yes, but always worth the waiting.

      • indigosoul77 Says:

        thank you 🙂

      • You are very welcome. False Doms often want the submissives to forget themselves, be utterly consumed by the Dom. That is not the way. I have said before, it is not the going down on their knees that is the transformation and acceptance, but the standing back up again and knowing that each time she goes to her knees it is by choice and respect, not fear or from punishment.

  3. Yes…

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