The Romance of Domination


For some in the D/s lifestyle, there seems little place for romance.  For many, the desire is for the practice and process and they may gain their greatest pleasures from the rope, the chain, the whip, the crop, the taking and giving.  That’s fine.  But it’s not all that can be in a D/s relationship.

These days of the hookup and the public or private scene, coupled with a certain cynicism and “modernism”, the whole idea, let alone, practice, of romance is missing.  Politeness is replaced with protocol.  Respect is demanded, not earned.  The kiss and the caress removed to substitute the nipple clamp and the spank.  Which, to my mind- being very old school- is a shame.

I have said elsewhere that one of the things I believe is that a Dominant man should conduct himself as a gentleman with all that that implies of good manners, emotional control (except in the throes of deep passion, of course), a steady and reliable demeanor, and a decent fashion sense.  Respect for himself and his bearing (without arrogance) prompts respect for others, and specifically his submissive.  Except in situations when she desires it, it’s not seemly to treat your submissive like a whore or chattel.  It does not lessen your dominance to act like a gentleman.  In fact, it increases it.  Opening the door for her, pulling out her chair at table, compliments, and the thousand little actions of good manners display the Dominant’s control in pleasing and public ways. 

Such gentlemanly (and ladylike for the submissive) behavior in public and private reenforces their mutual respect and respect is one of the cornerstones promoting romance.  I’m not here talking about the pseudo-Victorian manners in which PDAs (Public Display of Affection) were frowned upon by  repressive society.  When was the last time, you saw a Dom and his submissive hand-in-hand?  Do you, as a Dominant, permit your submissive kisses that aren’t “only by permission” or “ordered”?  Does your heartbeat quicken when you see your submissive or only when you pick up the crop?  Does romance or even love play a part in your relationship dynamic or are you, the Dominant or submissive, only “in love” with the fetish or the practice?  If so, then, whatever your particular penchant may be for, you’re only there for the action or the selfishness of your own pleasure in performing it, not the person on whom you practice it.

Of course, relationships are difficult, and perhaps, more so when romance is involved as well.  The considerations change, but so does the depth of the pleasure.  I suggest trying it out and seeing if your pleasures don’t increase immeasurably.  Put a little (or a lot of) romance in your dynamic.  The rewards may astound you.


One Response to “The Romance of Domination”

  1. angelquest Says:


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