Archive for February, 2012

Trash Talking…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , on February 28, 2012 by wmcutterblack

      Doms/Dommes ~ Do you permit your sub(s) to communicate freely their desires, needs, wants or do you force them to bottle it all  up  so that you never hear their urgent whisper “I need it”?  Now, I’m not talking about when you command them to trash talk.  What I mean is, do you give them enough verbal leash line to get right down to their sexual core?  Sometimes I find it utterly arousing and sensual to hear a sub purr, whisper, or even growl “I need you to _______ (fill in the blank)!”

   Dirty talk can be very exciting when timed just right, don’t you agree?  In good writing one of the old adages is “Tell them what you’re going to do, do it, tell them what you did”.  I think that can apply to Doms/Dommes and subs/slaves as well.  Submissives know the thrills and chills they get when their Dominant lover follows this principle.  It’s like aural foreplay when you tell a sub what you intend to do with them, then do it, then repeat by voice what you’ve done with them.  I believe the same applies to Dominants as well.  Imagine for a moment, your sweet sub saying “I need to suck your cock, Sir/I need to lick your clit, Mistress”, then having them do this followed by them gently stroking you and whispering “I sucked your cock/licked your clit”.

The repetition following the act, helps reinforce the intimacy you’ve shared.  As an adjunct, addition, or in place of, your sub can write out a “report” of what they have done either in their daily journal or separately.  Daily journals can be another means for subs to communicate their feelings, thoughts, actions, and fantasies which help us Doms/Dommes understand what is sometimes difficult for subs to express verbally.  It’s also a good means by which they can practice their trash talking/erotic memoirs and the Dom/Domme can read the journal entries and suggest (if they choose) alternate words, phrases, expressions, etc. to heighten their own pleasure (as well as that of their sub).

Yet another method of erotic or dirty talking is through sensual erotic hypnosis suggestions, which is a good method in use particularly in LDRs.  As always, we recognize that the mind (stimulated through the ears) is the finest sexual/sensual organ and that communication can be far more than just “orders” or commands.

So, talk it up, talk it out, and keep the communication flowing.

Cock Tease

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 27, 2012 by wmcutterblack

     Sometimes I think we get so caught up in “labels” and “definitions” that we lose sight of our own pleasure principles.  Are we fully DOM or semi-sub?  Are  we switching or topping or bottoming?   Maybe if we’d simply “do what we feel” honestly and directly without trying to judge every movement or moment, we’d find we’re far more “versatile” sexually than we imagined.  Sure, we can command a sub to do anything within reason, but what if as a DOM, we command him/her to be the seducer sometimes?  Are we giving up too much control?

   Even DOM/DOMMEs can get a little bored with the same old-same old all the time.  It doesn’t mean we’re less in control, but it may mean we’d enjoy surprises, too.  I fear that sometimes DOMs and DOMMEs become locked into a certain type of behavior.   They invert or circumcize part of their human response because of some self-definition they apply to being Dominant.  Now certainly if it’s not in your nature to enjoy a little wildness or “out of your control time”, that’s fine, but consider that the same old rut can get tiring.

   Why not try to introduce some “uncharacteristic behavior” into your routine once in awhile.  See what happens…

Romantic BDSM…

Posted in Uncategorized on February 22, 2012 by wmcutterblack

These days there are a lot of newcomers stretching their vanilla-selves into the BDSM kink as well as oldsters who are exploring it as a form of spice of life.  To me, personally, D/s certainly has its romantic side and I can understand why lovers want to find if a Dominant-submissive lifestyle is for them, too.  One of the best ways to explore, share, and communicate your interest in D/s is reading good erotic literature about it.  If you’re one of the people who DON’T want passion and romance mixing with your kink, that’s fine, but if you do, here’s a short list of books you may wish to snuggle up with..or be tied down and read to from

The Release – Male Domination Female Submission

Enslaved

Bound by Lust

Training Her Boy – Female Domination

You Will Obey (Gay Male Domination)

Taming Anne (Lesbian Domination)

Perfect fucks…

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , on February 19, 2012 by wmcutterblack

Sure, we all know that D/s, or whatever variety of BDSM you engage in, is not just about the sex, but realistically without sex you’re just performing in a “scene”.  It’s like doing a drug, but not getting high, or doing a “job” just to pay the bills.  The passion and commitment of a relationship changes all our acts and our behavior into a form of foreplay and sex.  For a submissive to go to their knees is both part of their outward expression of personality AND an expression of their desire (to please themself and their Dominant).  When a Dominant looks upon their sub, touches them, commands them — that’s the same, an expression of their self AND foreplay.  On the other hand, for those Dominants whose only concept of a D/s relationship is “Make me a sandwich” or “Bring me a beer”, that’s not foreplay.  It’s chauvinism.  And, yes, there is a difference.  A BIG one.  But right now, we’re talking about the sex…and those perfect fucks.

Why are they perfect?  Because the match is right.  Both partners are enmeshed in roles that suit them.  One dominates, the other submits.  Willingly, happily, lovingly because each is receiving what they want and giving what pleases their partner best.  Perfect, too, because nothing should intrude on the sensuousness of the act(s).  Whether oral or penetrative, the fuck is paramount.  No ulterior motive.  No game-playing.  No hidden agendas.  Just sex in roles which are right for the partners.

Too many Doms, particularly those new or inexperienced, misidentify what D/s is, how it works, how it is lived.  They often base their concepts and behavior on some false impression gained from porn or extreme erotica.  Your mileage may vary if you’re seriously Sadistic or Masochistic, but clinical S/M is actually more rare than we think.  The same is true for clinical fetishism.  If, say, leather arouses you, that’s one thing.  It’s merely stimulus.  BUT if you physically NEED leather to achieve orgasm, that’s a clinical fetish.  If you cannot achieve orgasms without leather or some other fetish, then you have a psychological dependence.   Again, knowledge — and it is available — is important to determine who and what you are.

In my experience, people often experiment with various fetishes and fetish items.  They explore this or that with the idea that it will spice up their relationship(s).  What they rarely do, however, and what is more important, is to experiment or explore sensuality/sexuality without the fetish present to determine if it’s merely an accessory or a necessity.  Perhaps we need a new term for “the casual fetish” which is nice, but not clinically needed to achieve climax.

The perfect fuck — within the D/s relationship — is based not on the accessories, but on the communication (talking, body language, actions) and emotional feeling between the two partners and results in full satisfaction for both. 

Valentine’s Day

Posted in Uncategorized on February 15, 2012 by wmcutterblack

Tie your sub in a red ribbon tonight.  Play with their heart with sensual temptation and torment.   Caress their moist skin with a chocolate or two and tease their lips with its taste and theirs.  Seduce your sub all over again like it was the first time.  Celebrate the day of desire and want.  Let them worship you like the god or goddess of love.

Recommended Readings

Posted in Uncategorized on February 14, 2012 by wmcutterblack

Seekers has a large number of excellent and thoughtful articles covering topics of interest to Doms and subs.  http://www.seekers.org.uk/index.htm

What to Do…what to do…?

Posted in Uncategorized on February 12, 2012 by wmcutterblack

You know it amuses me to read on the Reddit BDSM website when men write in proclaiming they are Doms and are asking for advice on what tasks to set for their online subs.  It’s a dark amusement, I admit.

Firstly, it’s because these fellows have so far misunderstood what domination is and their role in it that they see it too much like being a middle manager with a staff they need to keep busy or else they’re not doing their “job.”  What’s up with that?  It’s as skewed an understanding about D/s as thinking you have to be sexually active 24/7 to really be involved in BDSM.

None of the people actually in the lifestyle that I know of feel they need to keep a daily tasks list nor do they believe they have to be flogging, humiliating, punishing, or fucking their sub/slave every minute of every day for the rest of their lives.  It’s utterly unrealistic to think so and yet — and yet, there are still people who think in that stereotypical and stunted manner.

Granted there are always challenges in forging a working D/s relationship even for those for whom it consists of group scenes and casual hookups.  “How do I…?” “When do I…?”  “Should I…?” “Shouldn’t I…?”  are questions that may go through any dominants mind from time to time, but the truest answer to any of these questions should be already known to the dominant or else they are simply “not in the groove.”

To be dominant by nature means you think it, breathe it, demonstrate it as easily as a sub falling to her knees because it “feels right”.  Personally, I have never believed that one can be taught to be dominant or submissive any more than one can be taught to eat when hungry.  Yes, you can learn how to tie bondage knots.  You can learn to better articulate your dominant feelings.  You can invent protocols and rituals for your sub to demonstrate their submissiveness.  BUT you cannot — if it is not in your personality naturally — learn how to be either dominant or submissive.  I say that because by your behavior and reactions, your experiences, your psyche’s attitudes, you are made to be how you are.

There are those who say that we all have within us a bit of dominance and a bit of submission.  While that may or may not be true, most likely you have a preference, an inclination, a satisfying set of reactions and behaviors that define who you are, what you do, and with whom.  You are one or the other and to deny that or to experiment with being the opposite to what you are may be edifying or simply a psychic game you play.

I say, be true to your nature and revel in it.Image