What’s That Mean?


Among the cogniscenti of the BDSM world, I’ve noticed many submissives saying that there aren’t many blogs by Dominants and that of the few there are, most are not regularly updated. While some lifestyle blogs are helpful with information and support, these, too, are rare. This blog will add something to that gathering of commentaries, I trust.

What does it mean to be Dominant or submissive? There are many opinions, guesses, attitudes expressed about this. One of the problems with that is confusion for those seeking “the answer”. I address some of these challenges of definition from knowledge and experience.

Let’s start with one of the most pressing questions: Can someone be taught to be submissive or dominant? Like any subject or behavior, there is “being taught”, “learning”, and natural. You can be taught to play a musical instrument, for example, but unless you also have a “feel” or talent for it, the performance will be mechanical. The same is true for domination or submission. You can go through the outward behavior, the actions, and appear to be one way or the other, but without the depth to support it. Inner exploration is needed as much as practicing the “skill set”. Anyone can tie someone else up, but unless you’re feeling the arousal of the bondage, you’re only “going through the motions”. The opposite is also true. Anyone can be tied up, but unless it gives them pleasure, it’s just acting out.

There are, of course, people to whom dominance and/or submission is as natural as breathing. They like it, love it, crave it, desire it actively. They can’t NOT want to behave in the particular manner. It’s part of them. Part of their personality and psyche. This doesn’t mean they are “perfect” with it, however. Nor does it mean they can articulate how and what they feel is right for them. As in the practice of Zen, it just “is”.

If you follow this blog, in the coming time we spend together, we will explore more and more topics all of which relate to dominance and submission. What it is. What it can be. What it probably is not.

So, welcome…I look forward to your next visit.

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